Motherhood Manual

Last week I was speaking with a friend on the ups and downs of this thing called Motherhood. I remember telling her that I wished there would have been some kind of manual to help me along the way. I never thought I would be a mom of boys and if you told me I would have three boys I might have laughed. I had no clue what boys do other than be really gross. 

Maybe if there was a manual that existed then I would know that some of these boys can be wild and you will need band-aids and gauze at your disposal 24/7. It may have told me that at times they are going to drive me to feel frazzled and that I may in turn respond to them in that state. It may have helped me to not get worried when they are doing dangerous things (which they seem to do often). It might have warned me that I would be so attached to them that thinking of them growing up and leaving me hurts. The manual wouldn’t prepare me for their unique personalities and how each of them although similar in most things are polar opposite in other things.

As much as I would have loved to have a manual on how to raise these boys I know that raising kids is not a one-size-fits-all. What works for some moms may not work for another and how our children respond to situations may not be the same. 

So although I cannot offer a manual to my fellow mom’s I would love to offer five tips to help you on this crazy and beautiful journey called motherhood. 

Don’t compare your experience as a mom to anyone other than you.

I am sure you have heard that comparison is the thief of joy and there is so much truth in that statement. The joy of motherhood will slowly fade when we are constantly looking at the mom we think has it all together. Believe me, ladies, when I say she is struggling too! Being a mom is hard and sometimes it feels like everyone else is succeeding while you are failing. That is not the truth because mama just know we all fail and guess what we also all succeed. Compare how you are being a mom today to how you want to be a mom tomorrow. You are the mom your kids need and that includes all the messy parts. 

But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load. 

Galatians 6:4-5 ESV

Find your community, village, tribe whatever you want to call it.

It may seem a bit contradictory but being around other moms you can learn so much. It isn’t so much comparing but learning from them. A community that will help you grow into the best version of yourself. A community that won’t judge if you choose to feed your child processed food but want to use natural products too. A community that listens when you are struggling to get through your day and you just need a break from your kids. Motherhood is not easy and some days it can be hard and on those hard days having a community can be such a blessing. Your tribe is out there and you can find them anywhere. Check out local mom groups, find a small group at church geared towards mom, find mom groups on Instagram or Facebook. When you find them don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. 

And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” 

Mark 2:3-5 ESV

Be Flexible

I have learned that being a mom includes the flexibility to know what worked once may not work the same again.  Flexibility is important when you have multiple kids or just one. Flexibility isn’t given up routines but understanding that if a routine has to change it will be ok. I know moms who thrive on routine and need their children to do the same so this isn’t saying that you throw it all out the window. What I am saying is give yourself the grace to let go of a routine that is causing you more stress than relief. I learned that my kids aren’t great with routines as much as I have tried to implement them. The whole routine of the bath then bedtime never worked in my household but worship music while sleeping is a must for them. The way I parent one of my sons will not work with the other. So I learned that when I am flexible I can allow fresh ideas that can work with each child and eliminate the frustration. Don’t be stuck to the way you feel it should be instead be flexible to what can work. 

 Passing alongside the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and Andrew the brother of Simon casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you become fishers of men.”  And immediately they left their nets and followed him. 

Mark 1:16-18 ESV

Don’t Forget About You

It is so easy to get caught up in being a mom that we forget we were also a sister, friend, wife, girlfriend, and so on. This alone time can come in the form of a bath late at night or reading a book when all is done. Alone time can also come early in the day, maybe before the kids get up. Alone time is necessary for your well-being.  This time is not about who didn’t wash the dishes or what you should cook next week but just a reflection time for you to re-energize and unwind from your day. You can also use your alone time to hang out with your friends and have a ladies outing to enjoy time away from the busyness that mom life can bring. Just remember to take care of yourself. 

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Mark 12:30-31 ESV

Make time with God a priority

I left my best tip for last because God is what holds this mama together. Being a mom is hard work and even if I had all the above tools I would still be struggling. I have found that when I am intentional with my time with God I have what I need for the day. Sure there will still be days that will not go as planned but I know that He is there by my side. I can find my rest in Him, my strength in Him, and all I need to be the best mother my kids need. I know that every plan I have for my kids will never compare to what He has called them to. My job as a mom is to listen to the Lord for my kids. Reading my word is vital to being my best version. His Word provides direction on how to care for their walk and heart. As my boys grow older I find myself deeper in the Word to help guide me on what to say with the pressing questions they so often ask. Each day I am reminded that I need Him and especially in those moments where I feel like I am failing as a mom. It helps me to know that my role as a mom is not found in the accomplishment I get done but my dependency on Him. Find your place in Him and watch as He holds your hand through this beautiful journey of motherhood.

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands,

 and let her works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:28-31 ESV

What tips resonated with you? What tips do you think should have been included?

Bio

Cassandra is a wife and mom to three boys. When she isn't managing her household she working on some kind of craft project or pursuing her dream of writing a novel.

She serves as the Worship Leader at her church in Orlando, Florida, and loves leading congregations into the presence of God. Her love of writing also extends into songwriting. You can follow her on Instagram @mamanejo.